Constants and Changes
by Jezha
Summary: Because of a traumatizing incident, Tsukushi had left Japan for a career in the entertainment industry. One day, she comes back- but she's changed. And not for the better. With her arrival comes stirring hearts, tears, and unresolved friendships. And love. Quotes don't all belong to me. T for language.
1. Departure

**Jezha: **Uhn, I edited this. Haha..

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_"Sticks and stones mayn't break my bones but words will always hurt me."_

* * *

"You're such a burden! You have and will always be one!"

The room turned eerily silent after Tsukasa hollered these harsh words out, his anger blinding him and causing him to blurt out the thing that would hurt her the most. Tsukushi Makino's face paled, the life draining from her twinkling onyx eyes. The only thing making the slightest noise was their breathing. Those four words danced in her head, taunting her, as she slowly looked away from everyone.

She felt breathless, scared.

_'Is that true? Is it all I've been from the beginning? A burden to all my friends?' _Tsukushi wonders silently, bitterly, before Tsubaki delivered a punch to her brother's face. But the damage was done, the spiteful words thrown like a spear in the battle. And most inmportantly, the result had finally be set in stone for Tsukushi.

"Tsukushi, don't mind what he said. He didn't mean it." Shizuka says, sensing the chilling aura around the two hot-tempered teens in the group. Though Tsukushi respected and loved Shizuka as much as her own kin, she was distraught.

"Yeah, he's just fooling around." Soujiro quickly backs up, Akira staring at Tsukasa intently, willing him not to make things worse. Rui slips behind her, placing an arm on his shoulder in support- to which Tsukuasa's face heated up, jealous at Rui's close contact like he'd always been.

"I meant what I said, you stupid weed. You can't dress well, you have no class-"

"TSUKASA-"

"Fine."

The whole room fell silent again, shell shocked at what Tsukushi had just said. Usually, the energetic girl had always returned the spite with twice the insult. Now, she merely smiles blandly, not one person in the room noticing the letter in he balled fist. Rui's eyes flickers with concern, as Tsubaki moved towards her, and Shizuka on the border of tears.

"W-what." Tsukasa stammered, astonished at her sudden aloofness. Akira and Soujiro glanced at each other before trying to smooth things over, only to be cut off by a strangely distant Tsukushi.

"Domyouji-sama, is there a problem," Tsukushi started, refusing to meet anyones' eyes, before continuing "because I have other matters to attend." When there was no answer, except slight astonishment, Tsukushi smiles bitterly, before sweeping out of the room, refusing to answer anyone elses' calls for her, and their apologies in their friend's place.

Once out of that room, Tsukushi allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek, before putting her hand in her jacket pocket and crushed the letter in which contained a promising path for her future. That tear made it's way down her smooth cheek, her resolve to decline the scholarship and job offer already dissipating.

_'I'm going to Australia to be a model. I'm going to a foreign country. I should be happy I received this. I need to be happy. This is what I need. To become stronger. Become somebody. _

_Become less of a burden.'_

"Welcome home, Tsukushi, we've made you a special dinner to make up for your staying here."

"... Kaa-san?"

"Hmm, what is it, dear...?"

_"I'm sorry."_

"Hmm? What for?"

"Not... Staying here."

"... Tsukushi?"

_"I'm so sorry."_

_Makino Chieko put her oven mitts down, and looked at Tsukushi. Without saying a word, she drew her daughter into a hug, before saying "What are you apologizing for, my strong, beautiful weed?"_

* * *

"Yuki."

_ She breathes in the scent of her best, best friend for what could be the last time for years to come._

"I know."

"Yuki..."

"It's fine- I'll write to you lots. Lots and lots, like we did back in primary school. I'll even come visit if I can- Ah, I'm sure I'll be able to if I can take the wages for your job as well, ahah..."

"Don't cry, Yuki..."

"What are you talking about? That's just the eyelashes irritating my eyes."

_Yuki cheerfully allows Makino to borrow her shoulder._

* * *

"Tsubaki?"

"Ah- Tsukushi, where the hell are you? We were supposed to meet up with everyone-"

"Gomen, Tsubaki-san. I can't make it."

"Ara? Ah, fine, fine, then what's your next free day?"

"..."

"Tsukushi?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"...Tsukushi."

"Goodbye, Tsubaki-san."

_The phone falls to the ground, the cells' familiar beeping tone after the ended call audible. Domyouji Tsubaki curses, and runs to inform the others._

* * *

"Huh?!"

Shizuka's eyes widened.

"Tsukushi. She's going to Australia to be a model." Tsubaki says furiously, tears stinging at the corner of her eyes as well. Clenching her fists, she shook slightly in anger as she sent a death glare at her brother, who looked like he was going to be sick, she continued "She just called me, and told me she was on the plane. She planned to tell us last week, but because of what my idiot brother said-"

Suddenly, Yuki burst in, her usually gentle aura replaced with a deadly chill as she stepped up to the group, still in her uniform. Her eyes were teary, but it was the fact she just caught wind of their conversation that really got to her.

"Yuki-chan, what are you doing her-" Soujiro started, but got cut off as Yuki asked them:

"What did you say to Tsukushi?"

Everyone gaped at her changed demeanor, Shizuka then stuttering out "Tsukasa, uh, well, accidentally called her a burden."

The whole cafeteria was staring at this tiny girl, who was now breathing a little heavily, the anger gone from her face. All that was left was a look of what used to be emotions, tears, and an anger so ferocious, it would make Lucifer shiver with it. Without knowing it, she had gone straight up to the boy responsible, and lifted her hand.

The slap resounded right across the room. There were a few moments of silence, when Rui said "Yuki, I understand, but I need to know if you knew she was leaving Japan." A moment of hesitation, before she replied coolly "Yes. I knew about the letter."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Akira asked, his mind still in numbed shock. The fact that he had just witness Yuki using violence- something she abhorred, was disturbing. Yuki's eyes flickered towards him, the anger and sheer sadness within the frail eyes betraying her emotionless face. Biting on her bottom lip, Yuki says nothing.

"Yuki-"

"She was going to reject it, you know." The soft voice finally gets their attention, the resignation and resentment obvious.

"What?"

"She," she looks pointedly at them all, "had no intentions of going abroad. She valued your friendship more than anything. Though her family is in bad shape, she's never asked you for money.

I think she was happy, knowing you guys. Even I was."

The finality in those dreaded words was finally settling in.

"Yuki, it's not what you-"

"Don't call me that." She says softly again, backing away from the friends she thought she had. Ignoring the cries of Akira and Sojiro, she swallows audibly as she pauses before leaving.

"You don't deserve her."

* * *

**_Seven months later..._**

"There she is!"

"Hani-sama, over here!"

"No, please Hani-chan, here!"

"Makino Tsukushi, how do you feel about your current job, as a model, a dancer and an actor?"

"Darling, show us your innocent face here-!"

Raven black hair fell from her head to her shoulders in straight layers, as Makino Tsukushi smiled with a sense of freedom at the waiting cameras, her bodyguards pushing the hoards of reporters and fans out of her way, as she walked into the airport, feeling the fresh air of Japan. She donned a sleeveless yellow dress- goldish material trimming the edge, a black silk sash hanging off her neck, highlighting her barely-made up yet beautiful face, her black and white striped leggings leading the eyes down to her silver pumps, a beret-like hait sitting ajar on her silky strands, drawing the eye to her new silver streak, playfullness exuding from her every being.

The ever-growing crowed watched in awe as she waved happily to them, and sighed in envy when a thin black jacket was wrapped around her by another bodygaurd, contrasting with her smooth pale skin. Stopping suddenly, Tsukushi spotted a couple watching her, fascinated with their cute baby in her mother's arms. Walking towards them, she waved the girl carrying her bags over, and rummaged for a while before pulling out a sapphire neckalce, and to the couple's growing astonishment, attached it around the baby's neck.

'Awwing' at the scene whilst watching the baby lift an arm and lightly hit Tsukushi's cheek, the crowd cheered. Then Tsukushi smiled.

"Such a beautiful child. You are fortunate, and I send you my best wishes." and continues towards the exit, and entered a limousine taxi, as she greeted her chauffeur, Genesis.

"Eitoku Gakuen please, driver-san."

* * *

Tsukushi cranks. up her ipod, nodding her head to the beat of **'Lost November' by Diaura**. It's been a while. To be precise, it's been a total of 20 months, three days, eleven hours. And she needed more caffeine. Sighing, she looked out of the window, the scenery of her hometown as familiar as ever- like she never left. As if that incident had never happened.

She did not keep in contact.

Despite how Tsubaki tried to keep up to date with her, even she was being overworked by her witchy mother.

She had built a wall between herself and the world, one where even Yuki was hard-pressed to find an opening for. Ever since that day, she had been striving hard, obsessed. Almost insanely. Within the first month, she has lost 7 kilos, her already pale and beautiful face becoming skinnier than she had ever been before. She became numb.

And her only thought was to prove something to them all- to herself.

Tsukushi grins at the thought of the F4's faces when she steps back into Eitoku Gakuen. But this time, she's a celebrity. And this time, she could no longer be a burden. Not to anyone. She would throw what Tsukasa had said to her all those months ago back in his face, show him she wasn't weak. Show Soujirou and Akira she was now a real woman, not some kid to be coddled. To show Tsubaki and Shizuka she was able to reach for higher things.

And... To show Rui she would not bring his family any shame.

Of course, old feelings were rekindling. Her feelings for Rui were still there, under the strong fortess around her heart, lying there, dormant. But she wasn't sure how he felt, so for now, she would just lie low. She could not have her heart shattered once again by any words he utters.

The first time was hell, and it had taken two weeks for her to start recovering, going for her training as a model. It had also taken may calls, visits, her bartender and driver to bring her back from the brink of breaking down.

The second time;

She didn't think she would be able to live.

* * *

And so, it is unexpected that she walks into the familiar grounds of Eitoku to find the once horrible posse of girls now clamoring for her attention. Ignoring them, she looks at the startled table on the second level- She saw Tsubaki, Shizuka, Akira, Soujiro and Tsukasa staring at her like she was some alien. She didn't expect to see Yuki there, and it was clear by her best friend's movement that she was about to leave.

But then, Yuki catches sight of Tsukushi.

As so did Rui.

Her eyes meeting with all of theirs, she whispers

"I'm back."

* * *

/Dies/


	2. Long awaited arrivals

**Jezz:** Well. Seems I haven't updated for so damn long. Sorry. Really. I can't express how shit I must have been. Truth be told, I lost interest in writing this story. But the main reason I stopped is because of my grades- they were falling, and I couldn't take much more pressure. To be honest, I've missed this account. So, so much. Thank you to all who have favourited and messaged. I've come back as a slightly stronger writer, and will no longer delay your new chapter.

Arigatou.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Long awaited arrivals.**

"The only constant in life is change."

* * *

_At first, it was too huge a shock to comprehend._

The air was tense- especially amongst the F4, who had not the slightest clue on how to start up a conversation with this particular old friend. Tsukushi, on the other hand, was simply bright as always. With the slight wave of a hand, she bounded over to the rest of the guys, her perfected media smile in its place. Over the years, she had matured.

**Changed**.

At least, that's what she knew- she was a lesser version of her past self. Smiles that came naturally to her now had to be forced; the simple feeing of being content was not felt for so long.

"Ah, F4, it's so nice to see you again," Her voice is soft, gentler- but stranger than ever before, "though, I suppose it really shouldn't be."

Domyouji Tsukasa's mouth could have housed more than 20 flies.

"_You._.. Woman," he splutters, "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

Ever the public porcelain doll these days, Tsukushi offers another smile- one so brilliantly faked, it looked almost real.

If there was one thing Tsukushi had been forced to learn was to smile through any kind of shit thrown her way. It was her lifeline within the industry- behind the glamoured shine and impossible fame lay a dark place. It was an industry where every move you made was watched, both by the public and the directors of the whole facade. Everyone was watching, always.

**Everyone.**

Looking around subtly, Tsukushi spotted a photographer about 20 meters away from them, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

So she gave it to him.

"Haha, guys, I'm going to need you to looked over there," she says, tilting her head in the direction, "'cause if you haven't noticed, there's a sneaky photographer that wants my photo."

At least she still had her cheekiness.

Yuki looks towards her best friend, startled- since when did the camera shy Tsukushi changed this much? She thought. However, what she saw next was what truly alarmed her to Tsukushi's change- When their eyes met, Tsukushi's smile, light-hearted chatting and energetic appearance was marred by the exhaustion in her near-dead eyes.

_"Tsukushi..."_ She breathes, her heart wrenching.

A slightly distracted 'Hmm?' was thrown back in her direction, but Tsukushi seemed more focused on the task at hand.

"Pose, Shizuka-san."

FlashFlashFlash

Even Tsukushi looked a little startled- she had only expected and seen one camera out, not over 30 people trying to get her mug shot for the front page of whatever newspaper.

"Ara, ara..." She sighs through the wide smile.

Yuki's eyes never left her face.

* * *

Hanazawa had a lot to think about.

_**Hanazawa Rui** had a lot to think about._

Even as he lolled on his grandiose sofa with all the trimmings- soft, goose-down pillows, cushy arm rests, and not to mention the face it could freaking contort; he was thinking. Yeah, Rui thought a lot. But mostly, what he thought about was music, or sleeping. Or, in some rare cases, things that would make him flush red even if he were to think about them now- the boy was cool and calm as ever, but even he had his weaknesses.

But _no._

What he was thinking about was her.

That girl.

The one Domyouji Tsukasa- his best friend- had cruelly snatched away from him once, before driving her off with some stupid comment.

He remembers that day quite clearly- her distant eyes had not shed a single tear, but he could tell from the redness that she had already been there; done that. Her face was paler than usual, and when she spoke, it was the roughish and blunt voice he knew well, but dulled. He can still see the look in her eyes- hurt and pissed, she was in no state to deal with Tsukasa's shit.

And the boy had gone too far.

Just a little.

Okay, maybe he was always going a _little_ too far.

But this too far had cost all of them dearly- their supporter, the kind girl who had stood up for them whilst they were ridiculed for some reason or another, had taken those harsh words to heart. The insult hurled at her had been something said to her many times by others. He knew the moment he heard those words let rip from that idiot Tsukasa's mouth that it was going to hit home. And it did, home run and all. He knew Tsukushi was strong, especially with such things, but when told that by someone who was supposedly in love with her, she had recoiled.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Rui rolls over, grabbing a strange object.

"You've changed, Tsukushi." he mumbles into the stuffed Totoro, auburn hair getting even more mussed than before.

His words rang clearly in the empty room.

"Why did you go?" He asks no one in particular.

_'Did you know how much I had missed you?'_

"Tsukasa's words were harsh, but usually you're made of tougher stuff."

_'Was it because you loved him so much?'_

"Then after all this time, why did you come back?"

_'It still hurts me to see you.'_

"... And why am I talking to a stuffed toy? Just because you gave it to me doesn't mean it's special."

_'God, I'm in denial.'_

"I'm totally not in denial."

_'I probably am.'_

If any of the Hanazawa servants were nearby the room, they would have gotten a heart attack from the frustrated 'GAH!' let out by the usually stoic and kind young master of the house, and then died after seeing their beloved master hitting his head against the bricked walls. With his precious stuffed toy flung to the ground in a huffy childishness.

* * *

Shizuka sits with a rather tense F4, Tsukushi's quick disappearance taking the reporters and photographers away from them.

A cold silence fills the room.

"It's been a long time since we last saw her."

Yuki remains silently worried, her furrowed brows not unnoticed by Akira. Or Soujiro for that matter. However, neither said a word, not daring to start an unwanted conversation with this old friend either. Yuki looked up and met their gazes coolly, as she always did.

"I'm net exactly part of 'we'." She says shortly, gaze softening when she sees Tsubaki's stricken face.

"Yuki..."

"Don't call me so closely." The frosty tone is a slap to every single one of them. Once upon a time, the Yuki they had grown to know was a gentle, sweet girl, at least on the inside. To have her treating them with indifference- albeit chilly- is something that they had yet to experience until that day after the whole chaotic event.

"Hey, don't talk to us like that, peasant-" Tsukasa sneers, only to be cut off by his sister.

Yuki looks at him, but her face remains calm.

"Then don't call me out here." She stands up to leave, Akira instinctively reaching for her hand- only to be slapped away without a glance. Even Shizuka's plead was useless after another stupid sentence from Tsukasa, who tries to get her to stay.

"Hey, we're hurting as much as you are-"

This time, the hostility breaks through.

"No you're not," Yuki nearly spits out, "you're just guilty.

And damn it, you should be- I lost my friend, my best friend, to another country. I couldn't contact her, since her company was a shithouse. I tried to find her in Australia, and when I finally get to see her, she's lost so much weight. She's gotten prettier. She's still my friend. Still sweet, still smiling." Yuki pauses.

"But she's changed. Her smile's not sunny anymore, and she's definitely not happy to see any of you again."

The angry speech renders them all on the edge.

"And if she's changed _this much_,

_It's all your fault, Domyouji_."

With the last few words left to settle into the others, Yuki breaks away from the table, the little tinkle of the bell the only thing that makes them realise she's left. Shizuka and Tsubaki were nearly in tears, Akira and Soujiro were restless, Rui was stricken.

But all in all, Tsukasa's face was the one filled with the most pain.

And in that moment, he finally felt the impact of what he'd done.

* * *

Tsukushi stands outside the door, the sight of the house she grew up in almost a foreign land after all these years of separation. Though she had written to her family as much as she could, she would never get a reply.

Of course what she doesn't know about her company is still to be discovered.

But right now, as she presses the doorbell, her ears ring and her heart pounds with something strange- excitement, anxiety? Perhaps. She's trying to think of something witty to say, to prove that she's changed from the bumbling girl that she once was. Her formal speech on the tip of her tongue dies out the moment she catches something warm and familiar.

And it's all she can do not to simply kneel down and cry.

_"My sweet child..."_

The wracking sobs from her mother's embrace staines her expensive clothes, the smell of home cooking invading her sensitive nose. And with a pat on the back as well as more than just a few happy tears, Tsukushi's voice croaks a little.

"Tadaima, okaa-san."

* * *

**A/N:** Oh, sweet Buddha. I've not written something like this for aaaaages. I've missed this plot, but now I'll be updating more often than before. *cough*I'll try not to cut internet cold turkey ever again *cough*. As a side note, ALL my stories are going to be re-vamped into better paragraphs and shit. Yeah.

Sorry guys.

Enjoy this chapter? Leave a review. If not, just gimme some idea on what to change :D


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